Shaune and I celebrated his 28th birthday on October 18th and mine on November 1st. I am now 25 and it hit me that if I live to be 100 then I am already 1/4 of the way through my life. For some reason I have been thinking of this a lot lately. I know I have said, You're only as old as you feel." and "I will never grow old" ... but today I start wondering if I have used my 1/4 of my life to serve God as best as I could have. I mean, everyone can always be better at something, but sometimes being an imperfect being and always falling short can be SO tiring at times. When I look at what I wrote it sounds so funny, its like a mini midlife crisis. There are loads of things I could have done better. . .
1) Be a better daughter
2) a better wife
3) a better student
4) better house keeper
5) better listening
6) better at keeping my mouth shut
7) better at letting things go
8) better at spending my tome wisely
9) better servant
10)better friend
12)having more patience
13) better at being on time
14)better at not keeping track of my mistakes. . .
Sometimes I wonder at the things God will show me in heaven that I did not recognize here on earth. And then I remember not to think of things such as this. Worry about fruitless stuff like this will only keep me from the tasks at hand. Proverbs 11:28 says a life devoted to things is a dead life, a God shaped life is a flourishing tree. Romans 8:6 says Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open , into a spacious free life. Is there such a thing a being to God focused? Can you try to focus on God so much that you learn not to listen? Obviously that if the person is truly focused on God the right way your cup will never empty. If the person is worrying about being to focused on God the the problem lies within ones self, not with the focus on God. Does a mind ever rest? Does the body? Life seems to happen so fast that we keep wanting more. The more one task masters the more time one will have to do good. But what good will one do if one does not rest? Life is filled with double edge swords. The mind is a funny thing is it not? So many rabbit trails, so little time. Thinking of things that one could do better or thinking of all the sacrifices one has made for the good of another is not a wise thing to do. Being bitter is a human bodily emotion. It amazes me that the body can still feel this but the soul feels so differently knowing you have given up something to God. See Brit . . . Christians have problems with the mind too. We are not perfect beings. But you know what? I'm ok with that. People post your thoughs on my weird comments. What do you make of them?
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3 comments:
I guess some people actually call what you're experiencing a "quarterlife crisis." But your thoughts are common, just like Paul described in Rom. 7:14-25. I call it "beating myself up." Silly thing is, God places no expectations on us except to love him. Anything he can use in us will flow out of that. The expectations we place upon ourselves.
You are so right. THANKS FOR RESPONDING! Don't you just love it when friends can say things that are so simple and yet so right!
Stace
one of the wonderful things about God - His mercies are New Every Morning!
there is a quote by George Elliot, "It is never too late to be what you might have been."
I like that quote. It is always reminding me - God is in the business of fresh starts! And the fun thing also about God - He is with us when we are not doing well and when we are doing great - and HE loves us in the midst of it all. I remember 25. I had Grant that year. I remember questioning what in the world I was doing with 3 kids and not being able to remember how old I was... Yep, it was a bit of a fog back then.
Enjoy the seasons of friends. They too will come and go, but they will always be with you because they are held in your heart. frozen in time for you to remember 0) both the good and the bad - but the good usually overshadows the bad.
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